Sipping Saki

A new shodan teaching his first class of white belts was so nervous, he could hardly speak. After class, he asked his sensei how he had done. The sensei replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the mat, I put a flask of saki in my gi. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip after I fall, before I get up." So next evening, he took his sensei's advice. At the beginning of the class, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to the dojo the next day, he found the following note on the door:

  1. Sip the saki, don't gulp.

  2. There are 15 required white belt techniques, not 20.

  3. There are 20 white belts in your class, not 15.

  4. Oni Kadaki is referred to as "Crushing the devil,, not "Shake it and break it".

  5. The technique for unbalancing your opponent is "Kuzushi" not "Kamakazi," "Wooshie," or "You're Sushi."

  6. When applying pain to a white belt, the white belt slaps the mat, you do not slap the white belt.

  7. The creator of Small-Circle Jujitsu is Wally Jay, not "Mr. Miagee."

  8. A belch is not an appropriate ki-ai.

  9. "Dropping the big rock" refers to a specific jo staff technique, not to a Koshi-Nage performed on your larger students.

  10. The T-stance has nothing to do with the tea ceremony, and does not involve sitting down.

  11. A come-along technique never, ever, involves a conga line.

  12. Beginning students are called white belts, not virgins.

  13. The "thank you" spoken when bowing at the end of class is not "Domo Arragoto, Mr. Roboto" and you are not turning Japanese.

Only the blue mats, not all students named Matt, should be placed in the locker after class